I didn’t realize what a pack rat I’d become until I tried to clean out my jewelry boxes and a bulging chest of drawers.
My rationale went like this: “If we move back up North, I
might need these sweaters, these gloves, and this flannel nightgown.”
The jewelry was no different: “If I had this fixed, got a
new clasp, a new link, I could wear this necklace again. Why,
some of these pieces must be heirlooms; I could give them to my kids. The
stones may be valuable? At the very least, I should have them appraised.”
And so it went. Instead of throwing things out or giving
them away, I just moved them around to a different place.
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| "Home at Last" 16 x 20 acrylic on panel |
In truth, I’ve thrown out a lot of things in the past from necessity.
For one thing, I’ve moved a lot. When you move or downsize, some things have to
go. I think the loss has made an impact on what I’m now willing (or unwilling)
to give away.
Everything near and
dear to me seems to be gone. My children live in different States across the
country. I’ve changed my life, my religion, and my hair color. Is this why I
cling so tightly to what is left?
Please don’t psychoanalyze me! I do that enough myself. I’m
just glad that I haven’t become a classic hoarder (yet!).
I once knew a woman who, like me, had trouble throwing away
her favorite magazines. She lived in a small duplex and when you walked in the
living room, every table held multiple stacks of magazines, albeit neat stacks.
Each pile was face up in date order and could be found instantly. While I
admired her ingenuity, I often wondered how high those magazines were allowed
to get before they came tumbling down.
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| "Painting of my Grandmother" mixed media using "found items" |
My artistic “scrounge for finds” nature encourages clinging.
“What can I turn this into?” I ask as I comb through saved items in the garage.
“There must be some mixed media project that would welcome this?” So like a
game of shuffle board, I just move junk from place to place until I get the
urge to clean and then I start the process all over again.
My mother was a neat freak; immaculate and germ conscious to
the point of paranoia. She once threw away a square of butter because a fly had
landed on it. I remember thinking that I would scrape away only half an inch to
make myself feel better, but never the whole square.
She also loved changes and moved her furniture around at
least twice a month. I hated it. When I walked in the door after school,
instead of feeling at home, it took me several days to adjust.
Because of this, I rarely change my furniture around. I find an arrangement
that feels right and then I live with it – forever. Why change a good thing!
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| "The Pose" 16 x 20 Barred Owl acrylic on panel |
My mother’s cupboards and drawers were neat and simple;
partly because my parents had so little, and partly because she hated old
things. Ironically, I developed a love for antiques and used items. I’ve always
felt that old things carry the spirit and the life of those who went before.
This feeling was reinforced by an antique frame I purchased
that held the photo of a woman with dark eyes. Every time I walked into the
room where the picture was stored, those eyes bore down on me. There seemed to
emanate a dark spirit of evil around that photograph. I couldn’t explain it,
but I certainly felt it. Eventually I threw that old photo away, knowing that
it was worth far more than the antique frame that held it.
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| "Playing Dress Up" 16 x 20 mixed media on canvas |
