Painting the Faces of Misery – Capturing Emotional Pain

Many years ago, I was shopping for groceries. My gut felt raw as I floated around the store in an “out-of-body” trance. I was going through a difficult divorce, and felt empty and forlorn.

There were no relatives nearby where I could seek comfort. I was completely alone. My heart was broken. A clerk, seeing only the superficial face I put forward remarked, “My god, can’t you at least smile?”

I must have looked pretty bad. My first thought was that he had no idea what I was going through. I was certainly in no condition to smile or talk. I tried to fake a smile, but it was impossible. I was in misery and I couldn’t hide it. His remarks had made me feel even worse.

My crooked smile, lopsided eyes, and fun-house features were simply revealing my inner emptiness and utter brokenness.

Later when I became an artist, I realized that you can’t paint misery and hurt unless you understand the underlying emotions that caused the pain in the first place.

For example, grief after a loved one’s death is different from the shattered grief of divorce. 

In a good marriage there are fond memories and the loss can be shared with friends and loved ones who knew well our partner or spouse. After a divorce, you don’t want to share the failure and the tragic details with anyone.

"Brokenhearted" 9 x 12 Pastel on Bristol; matted and ready to frame

Anger between loved ones is different from that between strangers or friends. The emotions cut deeper. The fragility of ego and insecurity add to the exploding feelings. There is often far more to lose. The relationship hangs by a thread unless you can get past anger’s unpredictable course. Forgiveness is almost mandatory. The anger with others is sometimes quickly forgotten. There is no intimacy or long-held expectations that stretch the ties that bind.

Try to create studies of people’s emotional reactions. Distinguish the simple breakdown between different kinds of anger and pain.

These subtle differences may slightly change the tilt of the mouth or a wrinkle in the nose. Emotions may be altered only by pushing one eyebrow upward to change an expression. Glassy eyes may add to the sadness. Body language and the way the hand is used to cover up what others see adds another dimension.

Practice will make these changes better over time. Be observant and find out what happens when slight movement gives your markings life and nuance. Your scenes will have more energy and drama; your story on canvas will become more dramatic, more interesting, and definitely more real.

"Serena Shines" Pastel on Bristol, matted

A person’s face is like a road map of the life they’ve lived and the things they’ve experienced. Once you have mastered unhappy faces, go on to those of joy and passion.

The decisions you make about “center of interest” must be made before you put one brush or pencil to canvas; where the face goes so goes the body. Every emotion portrayed must agree with the body language expressed.

"A Joyful Heart" 9 x 12 Patel on Bristol; matted and ready to frame

The People have Spoken; it is Time for Acceptance

This was a tempestuous election. I think the media was responsible for fueling most of the misinformation and angst. Their failure to report the truth, and to manipulate polls and push their own bias rather than straight reporting caused much of what’s happening in our streets today. In any case, those who lost are displaying sour grapes as they gnash their teeth in disgust like naughty, spoiled children.

Whether these agitators are professional protesters paid to stir up trouble is in question. Many of them come from other places and are being transported to different areas. I can understand their disappointment, but I do not excuse their violence and property destruction. Protesting is one thing; rioting or breaking the law is quite another.

Before the election of Donald Trump, Hillary’s campaign message was “We will build bridges not walls.” Now that the election is over, I ask, where are those bridges? Was this just hyperbole? What I’m seeing in the streets looks more like “Our way or the Highway.”

Brute force should never be used to get your own way. Have you ever seen conservatives riot and destroy? And when did liberals stop defending “free speech” except for themselves? When did the press start publishing opinions and stop reporting the news?

In times like these, artists need to be more productive not less. How would you paint chaos? What colors would you choose to explain violence, protest, and hatred: black, red, orange, and white?

Would you illustrate politics using angry reds with shades of bittersweet? Would your depressed psych slather on rainy grays and blue blues to represent your sadness? Wouldn’t it be great in our divided world if people could express their anger or sorrow in words or in artistry instead of unproductive and destructive demonstrations that only add fuel to the fire?

"Victims of War" 24 x 18, Mixed Media on canvas

When the Iraq war was at its peak, I chose to illustrate my feelings on canvas. Who are the real victims in the wars that are usually started by men? The women and children. My purpose was to show how history, especially in the Middle East has a tendency to repeat itself, over and over again.

Most fighting in the Middle East begins as religious wars between Sunni and Shiite. Why the U.S. inserted itself into these cultural wars was never fully explained. Was it to help the people become a democracy? At least that would have been a noble endeavor. No. the real reason was likely oil; and efforts to protect our own selfish interests.

Driven by men with big egos these wars have lasted far too long and seem to have no end. The countries have dissolved into terrorism and vicious hatred toward their liberators viewing them instead as captors.

Many called President Obama the “Divider in Chief” because he spawned racism and created an underbelly of lawlessness. Now the Left’s protesters are blaming Trump for the division simply because he won. We are not a democracy, but a republic, friends. As in sports, the best team or man always wins. This is the will of the people. Trump won by a landslide. He has been given a “mandate” and the will of the people must be respected.

When the infighting in Iraq was at its peak, I painted “Prayer Circles” out of respect for those around the world who worship in this way. Respect, tolerance and understanding are the hallmarks the left espouses at least until they lose. Come on people – you are better than that! Get a grip.

"Prayer Circles" 24 x 18 Acrylic on canvas

The Best Laid Plans often end-up Topsy-Turvy

"Three Juvenile Blue Jays" pencil drawing

There’s always a big “let down” after the holidays. The stress and excitement which builds and then climaxes is over. The tension is released, the fun is gone, and the aftermath of pine needles, discarded wrapping paper, and clutter smacks us with reality.

The best cure is to look forward. Focus on goals and plans. Lift up your spirits by remembering what makes you tick and what provides motivation in your life. Eliminate regrets. We can’t change yesterday, but tomorrow is like fresh fallen snow. What will your imprint be? What mark do you want to leave and how will you express yourself on this pure clean slate?

We all need a fresh start. We need to have purpose and vision in our lives. The New Year is a perfect opportunity to have both. Shame or guilt strangles hope and enthusiasm. Leave it behind and step into the future free from shackles, doubt and fear.

If you can’t walk alone, get help! We all need something to anchor our souls and give us strength. A friend, a mentor, may help you cross over into the realm of possibility. Education can provide knowledge and self-confidence. Skills can be increased through practice and persistence.

My husband’s granddaughter has not only completed her college degree, she is in her third year of dental school. Her goals are clear; her determination is strong. She shared that out of her class, several people have dropped out. So close, yet so far from their goal. To quit that close to the finish line is sad. How many of us stop and get discouraged before we reach our goals.

The New Year provides us with the opportunity to eliminate “could have beens” and “would have beens” from our lives and our vocabulary. Don’t end up looking back on your life and saying “what if” I had done this, or “what if” I had done that. 

As Coach Lou Holtz once said, “Just do it!” He went on to say: “Ability is what you’re capable of doing. Motivation determines what you do. Attitude determines how well you do it.”

Happy New Year everybody and forgive this late blog. My computer was down for a few days, but now we’re back!

Ever had a Broken Heart; is it Physical or Imaginary?

NEW PAINTING "Prayer Circles" acrylic 18x24 canvas

Down through the ages, writers and artists have tried to describe the pain one feels when a heart is broken by sadness, abuse, or neglect. A tale told in our community was “Cipher in the Snow.” A story about a young boy who had been kicked around from foster home to foster home, had trouble in school, and was labeled as a zero – a nothing by teachers and peers!

The child collapsed in the snow not having the strength to board a school bus. No causes could be found for his demise. The author of the story said the boy simply “died of a broken heart.” There are many people like that in our homes and communities. People who do not receive the love they so badly deserve and need. Our Nation, our world cries out for this kind of love, but it seems to be missing.

"India Rising--Prince of Thieves" mixed media on 16x20 canvas

Some people treat their dogs better than they do the people in their lives. Some people also mistreat their pets. The world is dying for lack of love. There is more selfishness and self-hatred than love; more violence and lashing out.

I saw a person I once loved for the first time after many, many years. Changes of age and personality made it almost impossible to recognize him. But when I saw his profile, I knew. This was the person I had loved, the person who could turn his back on me so easily; who ignored me and neglected even to kiss me goodnight or to say goodbye when he left in the morning; a non-communicative spouse who spoke only to criticize or berate.

When that moment of recognition came, I felt a stabbing pain in my upper heart followed by the swift squeezing of a fist in the lower chamber. What it was I did not know. A heart attack, I wondered? Immediately I felt like crying, and had to leave the people around me. All the pain and suffering of the years we had spent together and the trauma thereafter came back to me. Later I surmised that I had experienced a broken heart. I never realized it could be so physical, so painful!

"India Rising--the Found" mixed media on 18x24 canvas

I labeled my blog: “AnfinsenArt -- my Brush with God,” because God is love. I want my paintings and my artwork to reveal the love that God feels for all his people, even those who may not believe in Him or who act contrary to His will.

Some people may think I’m a kook! Well, let them. I prefer to see the good in all cultures, races, and people. I choose to elevate the people I paint and see them as God sees them. We are all imperfect. We all have faults. If we could unlock the good that is in most of us, we would find the secret to world peace and personal contentment.

"Fish Market" -- acrylic 18x24 canvas

Call me a cock-eyed optimist if you will; my paintings will continue to reflect this optimism, this love of God, this benevolent higher power that is full of compassion and grace. Would to God we had more of this love in our world!

Stan Prokopenko Part 2 of drawing the head

Experience is the Best Teacher; Failure paves the way to Success

Instructors and teachers are wonderful. I have fond memories of my favorites, and can’t even remember the names of the ones who weren’t. But over time, we forget. Unless we put into practice what we’ve learned, the lessons fade; the voices become less audible.

Let’s face it. As miserable as failure is, it’s the hard knocks of experience that teach us the painful life lessons we need to learn. Most of them come when we’re children. I remember well my favorite pair of shoes. They were shiny black patent leather that I wore only to church and on special occasions.

Never put your coffee next to your turp!

One spring we were celebrating Easter at my aunt’s farm. All the cousins were there; the girls dressed up in ruffles and sashes, and the boys in white shirts and dark trousers. While dinner was cooking in the kitchen, the children were sent outdoors for an Easter egg hunt. My uncle had hidden the eggs in an adjacent pasture.

We carried our baskets into the field with our eyes peeled for color. My cousin, Dale, found the first egg and cracked it on his head to show off. He peeled it on the spot and swallowed it whole. My older sister shouted a warning to us about cow pies. Dale blew her off as he proceeded to stomp on a crusty pie.

I followed his lead. It was great fun hearing a cow pie crunch and collapse beneath my feet. My sister’s warning was forgotten as my confidence and power grew. I found another pie that looked ripe for the crunching. I lifted my patent leather shoe and slammed down in the middle of it. Shock and awe left me speechless. My shiny patent leather shoe and white ruffled stocking were covered with warm, steamy cow dung.

Don't "touch up" a painting before going out!

Bawling and blubbering, I ran across the field, not caring whether I found any Easter eggs or not. My mother pulled back as she pushed my reeking shoe and stocking from my foot. The smell was overwhelming. My new shoes were ruined.

 Did I ever step in a cow pie again? Never! Did I have new found respect for my older sister’s advice? Yes! Did I ever make the same mistake again? No!

Why is it when we grow into adults we forget these lessons of the past? Why do we get so discouraged and think the world is coming to an end when we fail? It is not! Like children, we must pick ourselves up, clean off our shoes, and begin again.

Life is all about starting over. It’s about new beginnings. Every day we wake up to a fresh start and new opportunities. Life is never over “’til the fat lady sings,” and none of us knows when that moment will come. Make the most of each day!