Ready to Shelve your Dreams and Give Up?

(Book cover illustration -- "Madison Morgan: When Dogs Blog, by Pam Torres)

Have you reached that point in your career where you're ready to put it all behind you? Perhaps your business hasn't taken off as you expected. You may be putting in the time without seeing results. The numbers may not be adding up. Your exposure hasn't brought the sales. It isn't that you're not working your tail off. It's that your emotional and physical stamina may be waning.

Don't give up just yet. This could be the lull before the storm when things begin to pick up. Or it may be that you have more to give than you think.

Examine your initial business plan. Is there something you can tweak? Are you putting in as much time to develop your business as you did in the beginning when you were full of enthusiasm? Is your lack of success a clue that your approach needs to be modified for a changing market?

(Illustration for "Madison Morgan")

Self-examination is imperative. Are you giving it all you've got or are you worn out? Do you simply need some motivation and inspiration? This is why sales conferences and group think were invented. Perhaps you need a "jolt out-of-the-blue" from an uninvolved mentor to take a look at what you can no longer see. Is there something you're missing? What could you do differently?

When we dig in our heels and refuse to seek help either from stubbornness or independence, we may lose the opportunity that could make all the difference. Even an honest appraisal, although brutal, may at least help us in the vital decision making.

There is no shame in defeat if you've done all you can to succeed. Chalk it up to experience and try again. Successful business owners fail many times before they finally succeed. A new product, a new partner, a new approach may provide the winning key that opens the door to success.

(Two mischievous boys get their comeuppance)

If you believe deeply in your own success, even discouragement will not deter your efforts. But if you're teetering on the brink of shelving everything you've worked for you definitely need an objective expert to either confirm or negate that opinion.

I heard the billionaire Mark Cuban say on Shark Tank that the most important component of a successful business was to love what you do. Without that driving force a business may crumble in on itself. But with a fiery passion eventually you're sure to succeed. Even if your first business fails, your vigorous efforts provide the needed steps for your next attempt. Effort and vision are never wasted.

(Back cover of "Madison Morgan")

Setbacks and Stumbling Blocks are only Temporary

1st Draft -- Every time I start an acrylic painting, I get discouraged -- They look so awful!

When you feel defeated; you often think it’s over. Whether your sadness is due to a failed romance, a rocky marriage or a business on the brink of crashing, you feel that the end is near.

Even fallout with a friend or relative may leave you battle fatigued.  By constantly dwelling on the situation, your anxiety only increases. You seem to be stuck between anger and self-pity. Sadly, negative thinking is self-fulfilling. When you’re in a dark place, the whole world seems bleak. You feel like you’re drowning, and you can’t get your head above water.

We have all been there at some point in our lives. If it’s any comfort, your situation is not new. If you reach out for help or information, you’re likely to find the solution to your problem, or at least some ideas that will launch you into a new pattern of thinking and behavior.

(With every layer of paint, it gets better and better)

The adage: “When you fall off a horse -- get back on again” is not just meaningless jargon. In fact, it’s the only way to overcome fear, to confront the mistakes of the past, and to discover a new vision for the future. If you succeed, you will be stronger and wiser.

But be careful of repeating past mistakes. Don’t be afraid of change. Find new ways of doing old and familiar things. Once you discover a new formula, and you’ve proven that it works, repeating your success will establish its effectiveness.

Beware of new ruts that can keep you from progressing. Grooves are comfortable and familiar, but you must stay abreast of current styles and trends in order to stay relevant. Drastic changes are never a good idea. “Go gentle into that good night,” as the poet penned, and your customers will go with you. Pull the rug out from under them and they won’t recognize your brand. Cool heads must always prevail when you are evaluating new methods of going forward.

Don’t give up just because you’ve had a few setbacks. Stay on track. Focus your energies and forge ahead.  It’s never a good plan to change proven ideas in mid-stream. Give them a chance to develop. If there’s substance they will float and multiply. If they don’t, they’ll fade into failure and oblivion. Knowing when to “let go” of your sinking babies can save you time and money.

Always have another plan, another baby waiting in the wings to carry you forward. Wise investors don’t put all of their eggs in one basket. Neither should you! Have enough hidden gems in reserve to keep you focused on moving ahead rather than feeling sorry for yourself. Markets change. You must adapt at each turn. Being bored with the process is a red flag. You’re either in the wrong business or you’re focusing on the wrong product. Try something new. Give yourself a break and analyze what’s going wrong.

(Sometimes you only have a vague idea how it's going to turn out)

Taking your business pulse periodically will help you gauge whether you have the stamina to continue.  Don’t sell yourself short either. What drives you? Are you hungry enough to succeed or are you willing to let your hopes and dreams falter? Take that bite out of the apple and go for it!

"Reggae Night" juried into a gallery, and won "Honorable Mention" in online contest

"Namesake" Layers of paint and a dream

Stop the Knee Jerking – It’s Time for Common Sense!

"Vikeholmen Lighthouse" Norway; 16 x 20 acrylic on canvas

I received an email from a friend; a copy of an Obituary printed in the London Times. If you haven’t read it, you may enjoy its wisdom as much as I did:

 “Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:

• “Knowing when to come in out of the rain; 
• Why the early bird gets the worm; 
• Life isn't always fair; 
• And maybe it was my fault.  

“Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).

“His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

“Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.

"Innsett Kirke" Norway from long ago; oil on canvas (SOLD) Prints available

“It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an aspirin to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

“Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

“Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

“Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement. 

“Common Sense was preceded in death,
-by his parents, Truth and Trust,
-by his wife, Discretion,
-by his daughter, Responsibility,
-and by his son, Reason.

“He is survived by his 5 stepbrothers;
- I Know My Rights
- I Want It Now
- Someone Else Is To Blame
- I'm A Victim
- Pay me for Doing Nothing

“Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.”

"Skudeneshavn Norway" 16 x 20 oil on canvas (SOLD) Prints available

How can we apply these gems of wisdom to our own lives?

Reason tells me that to own a business requires sacrifice, endless hours of time, dedication and devotion to duty. Skill building and education are a given. Late nights, early mornings and weekends may be required to give it all I've got. Marketing and exposure are part of the deal. Exhaustion and singleness of mind may put me through a financial and emotional wringer. Failure looms overhead like a whip driving me even harder.

Common sense reminds me that I have a family and outside commitments. I must make trade-offs and weigh my options. The things that matter most shouldn’t suffer at the hand of things that matter least. Youth is here for a short time; we cannot bring it back. We must find a balance and do our best. Priorities must be set. We must find the middle ground.

Success beckons me from the wings. If I can’t do it in eight hours, by golly, I’ll give it 10 hours or 12. This is my business. My baby! The kids will just have to sacrifice football camp and dance lessons. Some day they’ll appreciate it! Once I get over this first hurdle, I’ll have more time. But then another hurdle comes and I'm at it again, consuming valuable funds and precious time.

Common sense measures expenditures against actual sales. What have I spent and what did I get for it? Is the business costing me more than I’m taking in? The adage “It takes money to make money” can only go so far. At some point I must take my losses and reassess my goals, my options. Would an online business give me more “bang for my buck?”

Ego makes it hard to quit. Failure is not in my vocabulary. I fight the inevitable. I struggle on when I should turn back. I see my family floundering and I don’t know what to do. If I give up, my financial dreams and theirs go out the window. 

Common sense cuts to the chase. Either the business is working for me or it isn’t. How much time and money is enough? The only failure in failure is not seeing when it’s time to quit. The ending may also be a beginning of something else. Once my head clears, the pieces to the puzzle fall into place. Solutions materialize. Anxiety dissolves. Mistakes clarify the changes that must be made. Life is a process.

"Anhinga in Paradise" water color, matted and framed.

Chasing Perfection – is it a Wild Goose Chase?

"With these Hands -- Love"  24 x 18 oil on canvas

We all want the perfect life, the best husband or wife, wonderful children, and a great job. If you’re a creative, you also want a bestselling novel, a T.V. series, or a show in a prestigious gallery. That perfect project is almost within reach, you can feel it in your bones, if only you can find the right combination of skill and good luck.

If you don’t believe this is true, take a look at recent sales of self help books. As people chase after their dreams and unrealistic expectations, these books continue to fly off the shelves. Their banquet of promises serves up redemption (of career and soul) with a helping of hope for the hopeless. Their combined themes provide a dose of inspiration and a jump-start of motivation. 

But there’s one thing these novella's leave out: the work involved in becoming “all that you can be” is up to you. You must do the work. You must practice every day. The grueling effort to succeed must be done by you. When you close the book, you are alone.

"With these Hands -- Hope" mixed media on 16 x 20 canvas

I gave up on perfection long ago when I discovered that it was impossible. We mere humans are simply too fallible. We’re programmed for failure, and we must accept this. Failure does not mean the end of anything. For some it is the beginning if we pick ourselves up and try again. Our success should not be dependent on what others think or say, but on what brings us joy and satisfaction.

Some people defy logic and become successful in spite of criticism or failure. Why? Because of their drive and their love for what they do. When they fall, they get back up. They face their demons and try again. Their tenacity may seem foolhardy to some, but it is what gets them up in the morning.

That perfect novel or perfect painting does not exist, anyway. In fact it is the slight errors, the overlaps, the imperfections that give artwork its “painterly” effects. Only beginners strive for perfection trying to make the lines perfect and straight. The seasoned artist is satisfied with illusion, energy and emotion. Once you give up trying to be perfect, that blend of relaxation and looseness takes over and guides your brush intuitively.

In the beginning we must learn the steps that lead to perfection and know the rules that govern our craft. After that, we must joyously create in order to express the passion within. If we are lucky (or blessed), our journey will include not only mistakes and possible failures, but moments of clarity that will make our efforts worthwhile. 

"With these Hands -- Wonder" mixed media on 18 x 24 canvas

Toe-Tapping through Life -- Keeping Time with the Music

The Poinciana trees are in bloom. The "Snowbirds" and tourists miss these beauties.

There is a rhythm to life. It starts in the womb with the beating of two hearts: the mother’s and the infant's. The cadence continues even when the two separate. The constant heartbeat within provides a backdrop for the rest of life.

Some people are out of sync with this life drum. They don’t connect easily with other people. Their thoughts are sometimes scattered. Their internal clock and brain are always at odds with each other. Their relationships are few. They sometimes drive as if they were the only ones on the road. In much the same way, they crash and bump through life until someone or something stops them.

I’ve met people like this. My heart goes out to their aloofness as they try to fit into a society that hears a different drummer and walks to the tune of conformity. They walk a narrow line. Some grow into genius-hood. Others into insanity crashing down the walls that separate them from others as if to say: “Here I am. Look at me! See who I am.”  If they can’t win the game of life by ordinary means, they will do it in some other way.

(Those green buds will bring more red flowers. Exquisite!  Notice their fine, fern like leaves)

In the past few weeks, televised news has shown some of these “misfits” involved in killings and shootings. So many people are hurt by the few who simply don’t fit in. Within their confused minds they experience confusion, emptiness and pain. They go through life unnoticed by most of us until it is too late.

Why am I writing about this subject in an artist’s blog: because gifted people sometimes feel alone and apart. If they or their work are not getting noticed, they feel unneeded and unwanted. Failure is a word to be feared instead of a stepping stone for growth.

"Mother's Day Gift Roses" to brighten my life. (more below)

We all must fail. It is an inevitable part of life. But if we take that failure and examine it, turn it over, digest it and try to discover the hows and why’s we may gain some clarity. Avoiding mistakes the second time is easier with hindsight illuminating our choices.

There is no shame in failure, unless its cycle is repeated over and over again without changing attitudes or behavior. Life is a puzzle. Not all pieces fit the way we expect them to. Surprises and abnormalities are the “norm,” if there is such a thing as normal.

Don’t give up on yourself. Hang on with your fingernails, if you must. Grab a hold of someone else’s coattails if it keeps you going a little while longer. There is no shame in needing help. We all need a mentor, a friend, a counselor. Struggle makes us stronger even if it’s unpleasant. Hope gives us a reason. Faith keeps us anchored to something bigger than ourselves.

(The whole bouquet -- different light, different colors. forgive the bananas!)

It is only when we give up on these last three things: struggle, hope, and faith that our life begins to fray at the edges. Reach out before that happens! Reach out to help someone else. You may be their last best hope. They may be yours.

"Mother's Day Gift flowers -- Hydrangeas"

Dare to Expose Your Soft Under Belly

(Work in progress; acrylic under painting)

I’m showing some of my art at a small café with a Bohemian flare. The owner is trying to create a unique niche in the community. Various groups have scheduled activities there on different nights: game playing, dancing, guest bands, etc. Whether the venture will be profitable is yet to be determined.

"Hey, Coconut Mon" mixed-media (oil on acrylic under painting) 18 x 24

I love the entrepreneurial spirit. I’m always amazed at the gutsy leap of faith that entrepreneurs are willing and eager to take. Which brings me to my next point: to be successful, you must be willing to fail. Taking chances must be an active consideration in making decisions. Either you take the plunge and risk humiliation, loss of money or reputation, in some cases, or you stagnate. It’s that simple.

Every entrepreneur, every artist gets bruised in the upward climb; daring to reveal his or her under belly in order to gain exposure. If you hold back or put self-imposed limits on yourself because of fear or embarrassment, you’ll never reach your goals nor fulfill your dreams.

(I'd like to paint this)

(Close-up of Morning Glories)

I recently purchased a rather expensive frame for a painting I want to submit to an art gallery. If it doesn’t make the juried “cut,” I’m out money and opportunity. I was still smarting for having been turned down because of a less than stellar frame. I may have over-compensated, but I’m determined.

Professionals walk a fine line between actual budgets and obtaining the necessary tools of their trade. The adage “it takes money to make money” is sadly true. Self confidence is equally important.

When you believe in yourself enough to stand up and be counted, your education and skills will make up for any lack of courage or timidity you may have. Negotiating and dealing with people are learned behaviors. Fear can be overcome through practice and determination.

(Beautiful scenes in my neighborhood that inspire me! -- This is winter here, folks!)

It never hurts to show your tender side. That doesn’t mean rolling over and playing dead, but it does mean making yourself vulnerable to exposure and opportunity.

(These sandhill cranes reminded me of Indians dancing and inspired the painting below)

"Sand Crane Dreams" mixed-media; 18 x 24

Let’s Face it – Rejection Hurts

"Anhinga sunning himself"

I took three paintings down to the art gallery thinking I was going to make an easy exchange; replacing those that didn’t sell for fresh replacements. Wrong! The gallery has gained so many new artists that they are more critical and discerning than ever before.

I left one there, and took two home; the one deemed unfit for lack of a frame, and the other for the “wrong” frame. The remaining paintings (four plus one) will have another chance to sell in the coming month.

"Anhinga in Paradise" 16x20 watercolor

The hurting hole in the pit of my stomach driving home reminded me that no matter how many paintings or prints an artist may sell, the hurt of rejection never gets any easier. For that reason, I decided to repeat a blog I did last spring that some of you may have missed. I feel it’s worth repeating:

We all have our babies: those wonderful concepts we develop in our minds and create on paper or canvas to present to the world. But what happens when those adorable children land with a thud on the floor of reality?

(Photo from friend in Uganda)

Let’s face it. Criticism hurts. And critique? “A rose by any other name would hurt so deeply” (forgive the pun). Pride is a wall we use to protect ourselves. When negative comments bump up against that wall, our ego becomes bruised. Afterward, we lick our wounds and patch the crumbling brick and mortar making it higher, stronger and more impenetrable than before.

But even though they hurt, we must take a look at well-intended barbs and examine what was said and why:

• Did the comment or critique come from someone I trust?
• If their suggestions were applied, would it make my project better?
• Were the comments meant to be hurtful or helpful?

Drawing on canvas

After weighing and evaluating each point of view, we are better prepared to make a decision. We can take the criticism at face value and try to incorporate it into our thought process, or we can ignore it and stubbornly go on our merry way; building our wall of resentment higher and stronger.

Learning from our mistakes is difficult. Rejection hurts; criticism stings. It requires swallowing our pride and forging ahead in spite of negative comments. If we allow the critique to offend us and dampen our spirits, we may become the loser by succumbing to self pity. We may allow ourselves to get discouraged and sabotage our own efforts to make our dreams a reality.

"in progress" acrylic

Personal vision is as unique as our fingerprints. No two people are alike. No one can see what is in our mind and heart. Perhaps the criticism of others arouses our own insecurity and lack of self confidence? If that’s the case, we need to rally our own inner cheering squad to remind us of what we wanted to achieve in the first place.

A grain of salt can irritate an open wound, but it may also inflame a new determination to clarify our goals. If nothing else, critique sharpens our focus and causes us to evaluate how we communicate our vision to others.

"Sunset on the Nile" 22 x 28 acrylic on canvas

Critique Carol’s vision on her online gallery @ http://carol-allen-anfinsen.artistwebsites.com

When Hope hangs by a Thread

 

Dorothy and Emma celebrating their 95th Birthdays!!

 As we grow older, we realize that everyone has a story to tell. While we're all unique, we are not immune from problems and difficulties. Eventually, we all experience similar sadness, unemployment, weaknesses, and crises; no one escapes.

Sooner or later, each new day presents challenges that prevent or deter us from doing what we really want to do. We may ask the question: what do I do next? Do I let go and plunge into self-pity or nothingness, or do I continue to hang on with my fingernails until the crisis passes?

That choice makes all the difference. I was once asked by a friend: "What do you do when life gets you down?" My answer: "I put one foot in front of the other and I keep on going."

Thank goodness for routine that keeps us grounded. We get up. If we have children, we prepare breakfast and send them off to school. We work, we shop, we pray, we keep on keeping on. To quit would mean accepting failure and defeat.

We eliminate self pity and instead focus on the positive forces in our life: the love of family, the goodness of God; and the fact that in spite of difficulties, we have food on the table and a roof over our head which others may not.

Kiara's Tea Party

We cling to what we do know, instead of dwelling on the unknown. We live in today and the simple things that may bless our lives: sunshine, raindrops, music, faith, laughter, the touch of a child, the kiss of a loved one. If we’re lucky, we may capture these fleeting moments on canvas and paint the best painting of our lives.

Time does not stand still. Tomorrow a phone call may come that will change your life. An e-mail or a letter may thank you for a time or words long forgotten. “No man is an island,” said the poet, John Donne (1572-1631)

No Man Is an Island

No man is an island,
Entire of itself.
Each is a piece of the continent,
A part of the main.
If a clod be washed away by the sea,
Europe is the less.
As well as if a promontory were.
As well as if a manor of thine own
Or of thine friend's were.
Each man's death diminishes me,
For I am involved in mankind.
Therefore, send not to know
For whom the bell tolls,
It tolls for thee. 

Each of our lives touches another in profound ways we may not even notice or remember. Each life is precious. When the darkening clouds of disappointment and pain overshadow us, we must hold on to life. “Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.” (Psalm 30:5) That’s another way of saying that sorrow and pain do not last forever. We must hope and live for a better tomorrow

"Raccoons at Sun Rise" 16x20 acrylic on canvas

Featured Artist: 

Suzi Kahler whose work is strongly influenced by the Impressionists, particularly Van Gogh and Monet. She is noted for her distinctive style and direct approach to applying paint, her attention to composition, and emphasis on light, color, and details. She strives to provide the viewer a glimpse into a different way of seeing ordinary (and sometimes extraordinary) things.

"Aspens" 20x16 acrylic on wrapped gallery canvas

Experience is the Best Teacher; Failure paves the way to Success

Instructors and teachers are wonderful. I have fond memories of my favorites, and can’t even remember the names of the ones who weren’t. But over time, we forget. Unless we put into practice what we’ve learned, the lessons fade; the voices become less audible.

Let’s face it. As miserable as failure is, it’s the hard knocks of experience that teach us the painful life lessons we need to learn. Most of them come when we’re children. I remember well my favorite pair of shoes. They were shiny black patent leather that I wore only to church and on special occasions.

Never put your coffee next to your turp!

One spring we were celebrating Easter at my aunt’s farm. All the cousins were there; the girls dressed up in ruffles and sashes, and the boys in white shirts and dark trousers. While dinner was cooking in the kitchen, the children were sent outdoors for an Easter egg hunt. My uncle had hidden the eggs in an adjacent pasture.

We carried our baskets into the field with our eyes peeled for color. My cousin, Dale, found the first egg and cracked it on his head to show off. He peeled it on the spot and swallowed it whole. My older sister shouted a warning to us about cow pies. Dale blew her off as he proceeded to stomp on a crusty pie.

I followed his lead. It was great fun hearing a cow pie crunch and collapse beneath my feet. My sister’s warning was forgotten as my confidence and power grew. I found another pie that looked ripe for the crunching. I lifted my patent leather shoe and slammed down in the middle of it. Shock and awe left me speechless. My shiny patent leather shoe and white ruffled stocking were covered with warm, steamy cow dung.

Don't "touch up" a painting before going out!

Bawling and blubbering, I ran across the field, not caring whether I found any Easter eggs or not. My mother pulled back as she pushed my reeking shoe and stocking from my foot. The smell was overwhelming. My new shoes were ruined.

 Did I ever step in a cow pie again? Never! Did I have new found respect for my older sister’s advice? Yes! Did I ever make the same mistake again? No!

Why is it when we grow into adults we forget these lessons of the past? Why do we get so discouraged and think the world is coming to an end when we fail? It is not! Like children, we must pick ourselves up, clean off our shoes, and begin again.

Life is all about starting over. It’s about new beginnings. Every day we wake up to a fresh start and new opportunities. Life is never over “’til the fat lady sings,” and none of us knows when that moment will come. Make the most of each day!