Painting the Faces of Misery – Capturing Emotional Pain

Many years ago, I was shopping for groceries. My gut felt raw as I floated around the store in an “out-of-body” trance. I was going through a difficult divorce, and felt empty and forlorn.

There were no relatives nearby where I could seek comfort. I was completely alone. My heart was broken. A clerk, seeing only the superficial face I put forward remarked, “My god, can’t you at least smile?”

I must have looked pretty bad. My first thought was that he had no idea what I was going through. I was certainly in no condition to smile or talk. I tried to fake a smile, but it was impossible. I was in misery and I couldn’t hide it. His remarks had made me feel even worse.

My crooked smile, lopsided eyes, and fun-house features were simply revealing my inner emptiness and utter brokenness.

Later when I became an artist, I realized that you can’t paint misery and hurt unless you understand the underlying emotions that caused the pain in the first place.

For example, grief after a loved one’s death is different from the shattered grief of divorce. 

In a good marriage there are fond memories and the loss can be shared with friends and loved ones who knew well our partner or spouse. After a divorce, you don’t want to share the failure and the tragic details with anyone.

"Brokenhearted" 9 x 12 Pastel on Bristol; matted and ready to frame

Anger between loved ones is different from that between strangers or friends. The emotions cut deeper. The fragility of ego and insecurity add to the exploding feelings. There is often far more to lose. The relationship hangs by a thread unless you can get past anger’s unpredictable course. Forgiveness is almost mandatory. The anger with others is sometimes quickly forgotten. There is no intimacy or long-held expectations that stretch the ties that bind.

Try to create studies of people’s emotional reactions. Distinguish the simple breakdown between different kinds of anger and pain.

These subtle differences may slightly change the tilt of the mouth or a wrinkle in the nose. Emotions may be altered only by pushing one eyebrow upward to change an expression. Glassy eyes may add to the sadness. Body language and the way the hand is used to cover up what others see adds another dimension.

Practice will make these changes better over time. Be observant and find out what happens when slight movement gives your markings life and nuance. Your scenes will have more energy and drama; your story on canvas will become more dramatic, more interesting, and definitely more real.

"Serena Shines" Pastel on Bristol, matted

A person’s face is like a road map of the life they’ve lived and the things they’ve experienced. Once you have mastered unhappy faces, go on to those of joy and passion.

The decisions you make about “center of interest” must be made before you put one brush or pencil to canvas; where the face goes so goes the body. Every emotion portrayed must agree with the body language expressed.

"A Joyful Heart" 9 x 12 Patel on Bristol; matted and ready to frame

Self-Taught Artists Emerge after Grueling Hard Work and Physical Pain

"Cafe Costa Rica" 20x20 acrylic on canvas (SOLD), Prints available

As a self-taught artist myself, I wanted to shine a light on the anguish and healing that many of us share in common. I’ve chosen a few artists that are famous and well-known, and a few who never got above the sad circumstances of their lives until long after their deaths.

Many artists were driven to art in the process of mending from a long-term illness or accident. Once they tasted the sweet wine of creation, they found the healing balm of discovery and newness of life. While their minds and hearts were caught up in the rapture of creativity, they forgot about self-pity and pain and unleashed it instead upon paper, wood and canvas. 

My own early beginnings happened after a painful divorce. Remarkable magic occurs when emotions travel from brain and heart through the arm, into the fingers, down the brush and onto a blank surface. Explosions of the mind keep you focused and stayed on what’s happening before your eyes. The smoothness of paint encourages experimentation and afterward, you are never the same.

Frida Kahlo was born in 1907 and died in 1954. In 1922, she entered the National Preparatory School with the intent to study medicine and medical illustration. Three years later, she was in a near-fatal bus accident, which left her with many broken bones, including her legs, ribs, back, and collarbone. While recovering from the accident, she began to paint.

In 1928, she sought out Diego Rivera, a Mexican Rivera, for advice on her works, and would later marry him. Her paintings were surrealist. She used bright colors, and often depicted Mexican folk themes. Her first one-woman art show was in New York in 1938. In 1953, she had her first solo show in Mexico. Her work began to gain more attention in the 1970s, and many of her works are displayed in her former residence. Her bright outdoor scenes and bold self-portraits continue to amuse and delight us.

(Henri Rousseau -- Fight between a tiger and a buffalo)

Henri Rousseau was a post-Impressionist painter who was born in 1844 and died in 1910. He worked for a lawyer and a toll collector to support his mother and wife. It was his job as a toll collector that would earn him the nickname "Le Douanier" (customs office.) Ridiculed during his lifetime by critics, he came to be recognized as a self-taught genius whose works are of high artistic quality.

Rousseau began to paint in his early 40's and would retire at 49 to focus on painting full-time. He taught himself by copying art displayed at the Louvre, but would go on to establish his own style of painting. His paintings are noted for their flat style and great imagination. His most famous works depict jungle scenes, though he never saw a jungle. Several of his paintings are on display at the Louvre.

Winslow Homer was an American landscape artist who was born in 1836 and died in 1910. He was mainly self-taught and spent 20 years as a commercial illustrator before taking up oil painting full-time. He would open his own studio in New York City in 1859 and started to take classes at the National Academy of Design. By this time, he was already producing a great number of works. His early paintings often depict rural farm scenes. Later paintings would display marine subjects, such as fishermen and boating. He would later become best known for his paintings with marine themes.

Riet van Halder is a Dutch housewife who began to draw and paint at the age of fifty-nine after a voice urged her to do so while she was vacuuming the house.” Her family found it strange to see her suddenly become absorbed in painting. In the Netherlands, she had easy access to a vast array of ink, paint, and other media, which she explored in her art. She preferred paint applied with a multitude of implements on a variety of high quality paper and linen. Fittingly, she used a varied color palette. Her paintings are often densely populated with swirling, free form human and animal figures, which have predominately benevolent expressions.

“Her drawings are a response to an imagined world that is revealed, dreamlike, in the act of drawing and painting.” She explained that after finishing a work she was as captured by its beauty and mystery as a first time viewer. In 2004, her ability to create was ended abruptly by chemotherapy, which she received for a melanoma on her ear.

Woodie Long grew up in a family of twelve in a racially mixed sharecropping community in Plant City, Florida. As a young man, he worked as a sharecropper and itinerant laborer. He told me that he had picked just about every crop that existed in the southeastern US. Most of his life, Long was employed as a professional contract painter. This work took him as far as Saudi Arabia, where he met his wife, Dot. Long said that there he became acquainted with the Prince, now King, while painting the Palace and other Royal buildings. Dot and Woodie subsequently traveled for a year in Southeast Asia before they settled in south Alabama to be near family.

Long began his memory paintings in 1988 while recuperating from a respiratory illness brought on by long-term exposure to oil paint. 

He was a great storyteller, and was often encouraged by family and friends to recount his own experiences. He saw his wife’s hobby watercolor set as a good way to record his memories. Long certainly knew how to handle a brush and during his career had experimented occasionally with painting figures. He told me that on jobs, he often created a large image on each wall before painting over it.

Melissa Polhamus was born in Ludwigsburg, Germany. She is the adopted daughter of a U.S. military serviceman and his wife and grew up in several different East Coast military towns. She earned a degree in history from Virginia Polytechnic University. “In 1989, she began to draw from her own imagination while recuperating from depression suffered in the wake of an automobile accident.”

Polhamus is self-taught as an artist. Her undiluted watercolor and ink drawings are characterized by intense, densely fragmented compositions. “She has described the process of creating these works as entirely spontaneous and intuitive.” They have a dreamlike narrative quality in which convoluted environments are typically inhabited by cartoonish clothed figures as they carry out various activities that are alternately mundane, mysterious, or sinister, through a labyrinth of interconnected spaces. “Her drawings often include peculiar vehicles, weaponry, musical instruments, stylized vegetation and jaggedly geometric patterns that contribute to a pervasive sense of anxiety.” They are mysteriously compelling and consistently original in style. From a distance, the palette and patterns of her work may resemble certain Mexican Folk drawings.

Thank you to the following Gallery for providing these bios and paintings:

Beyond the Highways and Byways – a Journey of Heart and Soul

"Arabesque" oil on canvas

The above canvas was painted from a pond near my home. The birds were those I see fluttering in and out almost every day; the great egrets and the snowy egrets. Herons come frequently as do anhinga and the little blues (small herons); but I wanted white birds against the dark water.

When someone told me that my work reminded them of the Highwaymen of early Florida, I thought it was a backhanded insult. The Highwaymen were unschooled black people who taught themselves to paint and then sold their wares on the cheap to tourists driving along the roadways and trails.

 For the most part, I was a self-taught artist much like them. Finally, their work has gained the recognition it deserves. According to their web site, “The Florida Highwaymen Artists” were the start of Florida's contemporary art tradition, and are credited for the beginning of the "Indian River School" art movement.

“They developed their own individual techniques and captured waterscapes, back country marshes, and inlets the way they once were before recent tourism developments.

“From the beginning, there were people who collected Florida Highwaymen art and paintings. However only in recent years has the recognition of their skill and their story caused their paintings to skyrocket in value.  In 2004, twenty-six individuals were inducted into the Florida Artists Hall of Fame as "Florida Highwaymen."

To read their names go to this link:  http://www.floridahighwaymenpaintings.com/highwaymen_artists

Artists who work hard for their degrees and accolades often resent the success of those who are less educated than they . The work of self-taught artists as they struggle to improve their skill through error and practice is sometimes looked upon with a critical eye and disdain. Like the highwaymen of the past, these artists may not have the funds or wherewithal for supplies let alone education.

I became acquainted with an African artist who asked if I could purchase some brushes and send them to him. He had been painting on brown paper bags for lack of a canvas. Some use wood from nearby palm trees or they paint on shells or other natural surfaces from their environment.

Painters in Iraq and other war torn countries face the same difficulties. Yet their artwork is vibrant, sometimes shocking, and unquestionably moving. When will we mature enough as artists to recognize that art is communication? It represents who we are, what we feel and what we have experienced.

Art can teach us about other people in a way that words cannot. Whether it’s the beauty we see that we wish to share, or the pain and anguish of a broken world, or the loss of a loved one. 

How we experience art tells us a lot about ourselves. Do we recognize beauty for what it is or does our critical eye keep us from hearing the message? Are we able to see beyond cultural barriers into the soul of another? Do our prejudices produce a wall instead of a door? Do we see the “thorn on the rose” rather than the bloom?

"Window on Pine Island" Oil on wrapped canvas.

The Presence of Good and Evil

"Painting of Judas Iscariot"

If you are like me, you form a strong opinion after meeting someone for the first time. Unfortunately, our impressions are not always accurate, yet we remember these fleeting feelings for longer than we care to admit. These vague notions may affect our dealings with that person even after we get to know them better.

I’m embarrassed to say that my first introduction to a person is sometimes shallow and in total disregard for their true character and nature. Once I get to know them on a personal level, I’m surprised that I allowed superficial values to interfere with our relationship.

Another painting of Judas

Each person gives off an aura that we can feel. If we judge them on appearances, we may miss the totality of their personality. I remember after my mother’s passing, I sometimes felt her presence when I walked into a room long after she was gone.

This aura either creates an instant bonding between two people or it does not. What we are and who we are can be felt by others. Our lives have an impact on the people we love and associate with while the presence of strangers may project either good or evil.

Have you ever felt the dark awareness that you were being watched or followed? Did the hair rise on your arm? Did fear hit you in the pit of your stomach? Whether you can see them or not is beside the point. Their presence was felt. 

Children are good at measuring evil and feeling when it is near. At the same time, they are innocent and may not listen to their own feelings but yield to authority without making any protest. That's why it's so important that we protect them.

Gut instinct is there to protect us. It is developed through experience. It's trying to tell us something about our environment. Traditionally, women have downgraded these feelings more than any other gender. They have been taught to “play nice” and to disregard angry or negative feelings. Thankfully, this style of femininity is changing. The deep and instinctual reactions we experience are there to keep us safe from harm or abuse. We should trust them!

Another artist's version of Judas

Men seem to be keener at recognizing a threat. They are built physically and emotionally to retaliate when confronted. We hear about the “dumbing down” of America. There is also an effort to emasculate males. Mothers are over protecting their sons and teaching them to back down rather than to stand up for one’s self.

While this sounds good in the short term, the long term results may have devastating effects on the family and the nation. If people lack the courage and skill to defend themselves or their loved ones, they become victims. If people cower in fear, they can be overtaken. If goodness is no longer strong it caves in to evil, and what kind of world would that create?

Over the centuries, artists have painted these opposition forces. Their artwork has provided a stark contrast between light and darkness, good and evil. Their portraits portray the struggle each person faces from within. Their choices illustrate the physical transformation of the flesh as it succumbs to wickedness.

In contrast, here is a face without guile, a face radiating from "A Joyful Heart" 9 x 12 pastel on Bristol

If you doubt that change, check out the police online files and see the alteration of a person’s face who has gone down the road of addiction. Signs of aging rapidly increase, teeth loosen from gums, hair falls out, wrinkles appear even in the young, the heart is weakened and hardened. 

The famous paintings of Judas in this blog depict the presence of sorrow, shame and evil. The portrait above reflects goodness and happiness.

Grab a Brush and let the Healing Begin!

"Lady in Waiting" 11 x 14 oil on canvas

Why is art one of the most popular methods used in healing? We certainly don’t need more artists in the world. What is it about the practice of touching brush to canvas that heals the soul?

My conclusion is the “focus” that painting requires. The very act pulls you out of yourself and takes you on a journey of line, color, texture and form. Feelings are given life and anguish melts into fluid that is pushed and pulled into a heartfelt story.

(Work in Progress with edits)

There is beauty in the finished product. Discoveries are made about one’s self. Inner turmoil is released and anger spent. As paint flows, tears run. The horrifying and ugly are confronted and expressed. Unspoken words are visualized and controlled rather than running wild in the fear worn caverns of the mind.

Afterward the cleansed heart heals, the pain dissolves, and the artist is refreshed. Is it any wonder that people want to take up art to see what they’ve been missing?

That’s exactly how I began to paint many years ago. A friend, knowing that I was depressed and struggling with a growing family and a difficult marriage suggested I join her in a neighborhood class taught by an artist in her basement studio. I tagged along, not knowing what to expect.

It was love at first brush. I found my niche! And in the process, I lost myself completely in each canvas. My self-esteem blossomed, my coping skills increased, and I never looked back.

From my Garden, front walkway.

For some, healing begins with music. I met a wonderful woman who heals with her guitar and a song. She visits hospitals, rest homes and other areas where suffering is paramount. Her comforting melodies have helped terminal patients get a grip on their illness and passing. She has increased hope in the hopeless.

"Peace Plant"

We have all witnessed children with physical or emotional disabilities make great strides around animals such as horses and dogs. They overcome fears, gain self-confidence, and feel better about themselves. The warmth of touch and connecting is a key component.

Discover your passion and begin the healing!

Amarylis on my Linnai.

The Quiet Strength Among us: People who Face Trials with Courage and a Smile

"The Dregs of Winter" original drawing; prints available

They are all around us. You won’t read about them in the newspaper; unless, of course, they serve somebody else’s personal or political agenda. You won’t hear them complaining or whining for attention, either. They go about their business quietly without fanfare.

They are you and me. They are our neighbors, relatives and friends. They are heroes and role models. They are silent lambs who suffer courageously regardless of what life throws at them. Most do not deserve their fate, “for the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, neither bread to the wise, nor riches to men of understanding, nor favor to men of skill; but time and chance happens to them all.” (ECC 9:11 KJV)

Life on earth is a challenge. Our bodies may become diseased. We may suffer accident or illness. We may be maimed, disabled, or made infirm. If it’s any comfort, we are not singled out by life or by God, but as Ecclesiastes states: “time and chance happens to us all.” The crux of the matter is: What will be our response?

"A Joyful Heart" original pastel drawing

A video presentation on www.godvine.com features a courageous man named Charlie Parker who was born without arms. His remarkable parents decided from the get-go that they would encourage Charlie and instill in him the belief that he could do whatever he set his mind to. Charlie’s father said: “We wanted his childhood to be as close to any other child’s as possible.”

As a result, Charlie learned how to ride a tricycle, a bicycle, and later a car. He graduated from high school, from college, and he did all of these things by learning to do things his way. Without arms, he used his feet to steer and his mouth and the space between his cheek and shoulder to manipulate the controls. His first automobile at age 16 was an Impala. He helped adjust the controls to meet his needs.

“Every step of the way in life there have been people who said that I can't do things,” said Charlie: “Said that I couldn't ride a bicycle; Said that I couldn't live on my own. Couldn't get a good job and support myself or I couldn't go to college and graduate. I don't listen too much to people when they tell me I can't do something.”

"With these Hands -- Hope" 16 x 20 mixed media on canvas

Today Charlie is an engineer at Hendrick Motorsports, a top tier NASCAR race car design firm. He designs and modifies racing cars for optimum performance. He uses his feet on the keyboard of a computer. He has worked at Hendrick for the past eight years. 

http://youtu.be/ILJGpjdY9U8

Charlie does not allow his disability to hold him back or stop him from living a full and productive life. No whiner here, he never has and never will allow self-pity or the jeers of others to deter him from doing what he wants to do. The family’s faith and their trust in and belief in God provided Charlie with a strong foundation that helped him weather the storms of life.

God is not some cosmic puppeteer, pulling our strings and causing bad things to happen to us either as punishment for our misdeeds, or because he doesn’t care or really isn’t there (the world’s thinking in a nutshell). 

Time and chance happens to us all. Life is unpredictable. If we ask him, God will comfort us, strengthen us, and help us as we go through this turbulent landscape (and sometimes even when we don’t ask). God neither manipulates nor alters the choices that we or other human beings make. How else could justice prevail and mercy reign? If we were only puppets in a great cosmic game, how could we be held accountable for the harm we cause to others? 

We cannot choose what happens to us in life. We can only choose what our response will be. Faith is letting go of doubts and fears by laying our burdens down at the feet of God. The Newscaster, Robin Robinson said it best: “When fear comes knocking, let faith open the door.”

"India Rising -- the Found" mixed media on canvas

Those who Suffered, Those who Died

The winds of change are fickle. The tides of arrogance and ignorance eventually meet history head on. The fate of the few who manage to stay afloat during the process are finally recognized. Louis Zamperini is one of those. 

I was so pleased to hear that a movie was being made to honor him and the millions who died on our behalf during World War II. I met Louis in the pages of a book long before the above ad came out in People Magazine. Laura Hillenbrand had charmed me with her novel about “Sea Biscuit” so I ordered her second book on Kindle: “Unbroken; a World War II Story of Survival, Resilience and Redemption.” Little did I know what was in store for me?

I’m not finished reading it yet. I find it difficult to stay on its pages for more than an hour at a time. The emotion is raw and intense. Tears fill my eyes at the horrors I’m witnessing through the perspective of Zamperini and the other pilots who worked side by side to fight our enemies. I am shocked, stunned, and horrified by their suffering.

"Looking Outward" 16 x 20 mixed media on canvas and distressed window frame

How did they survive? Louis was a former Olympic runner, which kept him fit, so by the time he was drafted as a fighter pilot, he was strong. He’d already overcome many obstacles in his life which helped him focus on solving problems and weathering difficulties.

The author was able to interview Louis and a few remaining vets from that time period. She also read his diaries and written accounts. In my opinion, this should be required reading for every high school student. Many of our youth don’t recognize or understand the sacrifices that were made on their behalf. They shout for their “rights” and sometimes spit on their flag ignorantly adding injury to injury on those who suffered and died for them.

Louis’ story will be brought to the forefront by Director Angelina Jolie, shown with Zamperini in the above photo. I will definitely see this movie. The book alone, prompted me to write this blog. We must not; we cannot forget those who gave their lives for our freedoms.

"Americana" 24 x 18 acrylic on canvas

 I highly recommend this book and I’m sure the movie will measure up to the complex circumstances in which these heroes fought in our names. 

The Wounded Warriors within our Ranks

"Broken Hearted" 11 x  14 pastel on Bristol

There are hundreds of outstanding artists who either have a disability or work at what they love with debilitating pain or discomfort. If that describes your circumstances, I want to hear from you.

Artist’s have much to share with each other. When the darkness comes, the pain cripples or the heart is grieving, welcome relief comes when we share our stories with others and reach out to someone else in need.

My arthritis is making it more and more difficult to paint or draw. And now stomach issues prevent me, at least for a time, from taking pain meds. I’ve purposely kept on typing because it keeps my fingers loose, but I’m limited to shorter and shorter time periods.

"Moody Blues" 16 x 20 mixed media on canvas

After a short time at the keyboard, my hands cramp up and stiffen into a claw and I can’t move at all. I will say that once I’m painting, I forget the difficulty and get lost in this marvelous thing we call art. I’m still limited, and work in two-hour sessions, but I keep on keeping on.

When I start to feel sorry for myself, I think about those artists who paint with their teeth or their feet. These great souls of courage persevere in spite of their disabilities. Art is therapy. Art is depth and feeling. Art is the expression of faith, gratitude and pain. Art captures the details that others miss and examines or exaggerates their complexities and simplicity.

"Broken" 9 x 12 mixed media on panel SOLD; prints available

Van Gogh is one of the best examples of a troubled artist who continued to paint his vision of nature; his vision of life. His struggles and emotional pain clarified the world he painted and made it all the more poignant for us.

Degas tied his stiff arthritic fingers to his paint brushes and continued to work up to his death. His works are timeless. He poured out energy, tears, and heart into every brush stroke.

Scars tell us where we’ve been. They also remind us of past sorrows and tragedy. Sometimes Army buddies compare wounds and talk about their battle scars and shared trauma. Scars are the visible testimony of their anguish and pain.

"A Joyful Heart" 9 x 12 pastel on Bristol

Some wounds are invisible to others. Their pain is felt deep within the human soul. The scars left behind are not easily shared, and other people doubt that they exist. These wounds are the most devastating because our sanity is questioned; our experiences are belittled or denied. We have no physical wounds to show others. These internal scars go deep. They are slow to heal. Sometimes the pain goes unnoticed or ignored for a lifetime and affect our relationship with others.

How do you see grief; except for a sad countenance? Grief that is held in too long may cause ill health. Unshed tears may prolong the healing. Without an outlet or a voice, the spirit may be crushed to the breaking point. Thank God for art. Truly God has led me through it (pain) and around it.

"Sunset on the Nile"  22 x 28  acrylic on canvas

Wear any physical and emotional scars like a personal badge of courage, friends. Use your pain to help others see the world through your eyes. Create like your life depended on it because it does.