Painting the Faces of Misery – Capturing Emotional Pain

Many years ago, I was shopping for groceries. My gut felt raw as I floated around the store in an “out-of-body” trance. I was going through a difficult divorce, and felt empty and forlorn.

There were no relatives nearby where I could seek comfort. I was completely alone. My heart was broken. A clerk, seeing only the superficial face I put forward remarked, “My god, can’t you at least smile?”

I must have looked pretty bad. My first thought was that he had no idea what I was going through. I was certainly in no condition to smile or talk. I tried to fake a smile, but it was impossible. I was in misery and I couldn’t hide it. His remarks had made me feel even worse.

My crooked smile, lopsided eyes, and fun-house features were simply revealing my inner emptiness and utter brokenness.

Later when I became an artist, I realized that you can’t paint misery and hurt unless you understand the underlying emotions that caused the pain in the first place.

For example, grief after a loved one’s death is different from the shattered grief of divorce. 

In a good marriage there are fond memories and the loss can be shared with friends and loved ones who knew well our partner or spouse. After a divorce, you don’t want to share the failure and the tragic details with anyone.

"Brokenhearted" 9 x 12 Pastel on Bristol; matted and ready to frame

Anger between loved ones is different from that between strangers or friends. The emotions cut deeper. The fragility of ego and insecurity add to the exploding feelings. There is often far more to lose. The relationship hangs by a thread unless you can get past anger’s unpredictable course. Forgiveness is almost mandatory. The anger with others is sometimes quickly forgotten. There is no intimacy or long-held expectations that stretch the ties that bind.

Try to create studies of people’s emotional reactions. Distinguish the simple breakdown between different kinds of anger and pain.

These subtle differences may slightly change the tilt of the mouth or a wrinkle in the nose. Emotions may be altered only by pushing one eyebrow upward to change an expression. Glassy eyes may add to the sadness. Body language and the way the hand is used to cover up what others see adds another dimension.

Practice will make these changes better over time. Be observant and find out what happens when slight movement gives your markings life and nuance. Your scenes will have more energy and drama; your story on canvas will become more dramatic, more interesting, and definitely more real.

"Serena Shines" Pastel on Bristol, matted

A person’s face is like a road map of the life they’ve lived and the things they’ve experienced. Once you have mastered unhappy faces, go on to those of joy and passion.

The decisions you make about “center of interest” must be made before you put one brush or pencil to canvas; where the face goes so goes the body. Every emotion portrayed must agree with the body language expressed.

"A Joyful Heart" 9 x 12 Patel on Bristol; matted and ready to frame

There’s more to Skin than Color; Watch your Emotions Betray you

"Day Dreams" 11x14 oil on canvas

Some people are more brittle than others. They can’t endure stress and they get their feelings hurt easily. We speak of them as “thin skinned” and overly sensitive. These internal stressors are played out on their faces. These types usually wear their “hearts on their sleeves.”

On a physical level, some persons actually do have skin that is more elastic and stretchable than others. Perhaps they are more able to roll with the punches and adapt to change. For whatever reasons, some of us were born rigid and inflexible, and others from the start are more laid back and easier to live with.

"Broken Hearted" 9x12 pastel on bristol; matted and ready to frame

We can also misinterpret someone’s “body language.” I’ve seen so-called experts try to decipher what someone was feeling or thinking and sometimes even they are baffled or they get it wrong. Just because someone has a long face or are down-in-the-mouth, doesn’t mean “it’s all about you.”

They may actually be down about themselves and feeling insecure. So many factors play into our emotions: work, family, friends, news, money, a crisis, an illness or fear that it's senseless for us to take personal responsibility for someone else’s mood swings or unhappiness.

For many years, I functioned in “zombie” mode which had a disastrous affect on my ability to experience emotion. I was trying to “keep it altogether” and in the process, turned off my emotions all together in order to avoid outbursts and confrontations. This zombie mode kept me safe, but it certainly didn’t solve any problems.

"Moody Blues" 18x14 oil on canvas

Once I began counseling, it was like the floodgates opened and from then on I couldn’t keep my mouth shut. Abuse is abuse and I realized that I had a right to be treated with respect. I couldn’t sit by and allow someone else’s negative insults and putdowns to tear down my confidence and self-esteem. Once the door was open to my inner life and my own self-respect, there was no turning back.

Paintings that tell a story (and most of them do) usually portray some kind of emotion. I like to ask myself “What was the artist trying to say? What is the person portrayed feeling? How do the colors chosen feed into that emotion? Appreciating an artist’s perception of the world and its people is just the first step in discovering more about the beauty and skill that goes into a composition.

(Work in Progress -- "#Hopeful in India" 24x18 acrylic on canvas)

Even the softness or absence of line indicates subtleties expressed, or the hush of deep emotion. Broad swathes of color intensify and exaggerate either anger or exuberance. That’s why each painting can speak to us in a real way and affect us deeply if we allow ourselves to explore the technique used, the color, the subject matter and overall presentation.

According to recent studies, “the six basic emotions – angry, happy, sad, fearful, surprised and disgusted – do not begin to cover the range of feelings we convey with our facial expressions. Using new computer software to observe and record people’s faces, scientists mapped no fewer than 21 emotional states, including apparently contradictory examples such as "happily disgusted" and "sadly angry". Unless I missed it, there is one other emotion that law enforcement may recognize: guilt.

Check this out for yourself: 21 Emotions on Faces

(Work in Progress -- "Queen of Diamonds" 20x20 mixed media on canvas)

Happy Helpers Ring in the Holidays (Success Tips for Team Leaders)

Non-profits and small businesses often depend on volunteers to “make the Season bright.” You may get a group of happy, good-hearted people who willingly and freely give of their time; but sometimes you end up with a bad apple or two. When that happens, it takes skill and patience in order to mend fences and hurt feelings

.

No one likes to be told that their work is deficient or that they are too slow, especially when they’re getting paid zilch! Appreciation and tact go a long way. It seems that in every group, there’s a “know it all;” a person who understands exactly “how things should be done” and when.

The leader (that’s you) must know how to keep that person on task and divert attention when necessary to keep things running smoothly. Encouraging cooperation, and making a tense atmosphere fun is all part of a team leader’s job description.

(Wolf in Sheep's Clothing)

When volunteers get hot under the collar and sharp words start flying, a wise leader knows when to insert himself or herself to stop trouble before it happens. Taking a busybody aside and thanking them for their insight can allay hurt feelings. When they sense that you’re aware of their keen observation skills, you can remind them that volunteers are here, not because they have to be, but because they want to serve. Their efforts should always be welcomed and acknowledged.

Many of us hire helpers during the busy holidays to get our projects out the door on time. These assistants may be friends, strangers, or family members who work for free. The same rules apply, perhaps even more so, when you’re close to the staff. A pleasant working atmosphere removes the tension between family members who are caught between rigid deadlines and their own hectic lives.

Put a group of people in a room, give them work to do, and there’s bound to be petty squabbles. In the beginning, allow people to work out their own rhythms and procedures. Insert yourself only if the “rage” level rises. Staying ahead of problems and anticipating needs requires tact and gut instinct. 

If you are prepared in advance by having your project organized and well defined, there will be fewer mistakes and less resentment. Having a happy and successful holiday depends entirely on what you bring to the table in the way of vision, preparation and leadership.

"Serena Shines" 11 x 14 Pastel matted and ready for framing

Taking Pot Shots at Hot Shots -- is it Fair Game?

"Fuchsia Fantastic" will be my next painting; I'll adjust composition above --  a photo I took in Minnesota.

Have you noticed that in the arena of life, it is those that “haven’t made it” who throw hateful darts and arrows at those who have? Envy? Sour Grapes? Both?

This phenomenon was birthed by the Internet. A recent study said that this spiteful and destructive behavior was spawned by the “anonymity that the Internet provides.”

People concoct pseudonyms to hide their real identities, and then take pot shots at those they hate, dislike, or are jealous of. It’s one thing to harp at policy or behavior you disagree with; it’s quite another to defame, bully, bash character or reputation in the name of truth and justice or simply “getting even.”

Civility is not only a little used word its meaning from lack of use is almost meaningless. It is more fun (at someone else’s expense) to gang up on someone and hammer away at their faults and foibles. It’s not cool to “play nice” anymore. It’s hip to be first to notice a fault and to throw the first stone.

“Ah so,” the people say, "that’s true; and have you noticed that pussy pimple on his fat ass?”

Before you know it a barrage of negative ugly thought gains strength and is propelled in a slew of wicked words and e-mails intent on bringing the intended target down; down to the level of the insidious few who sling bad fortune and bad taste for fun.

How do we put a stop to this kind of mudslinging that in some cases has resulted in the death or suicide of the recipients? 

Some would have us outlaw “hate speech!”  But hate speech changes over time, depending upon which side you’re on? Should the government be the judge? Should the democrats? The Republicans? 

I loved the yellow sunflowers against the blue cloth, and the shadows! May paint this one, too!

Should women be the judge of hate speech if a man is the speaker? Should men be the judge if a woman’s speech is suspect? Should a thin person judge someone who is fat or vice verse? Should a government in the process of taking its citizens rights away accuse another government of Human Rights violations?

You can see where this triangulated thinking leads. We’d all end up in jail eventually. You can’t control everyone’s speech, and you certainly can’t control anger even with fines. In a free society, people have opinions and free speech not just for a few, but for all.

I'd like to paint this, too, but would anyone buy a painting of sea gulls?

Would that everyone was kind and tactful, but they’re not. Sometimes people get “hoof and mouth” disease, as my mom used to say when I’d speak out of turn. We can’t punish everyone. But we can use common sense. We can be more tolerant and forgiving. We can put our verbal and physical weapons away and try to salvage common decency and good sense.

My granddaughter, the cook, would be fun to paint!

Ruts Vs. Routines and the “Smarts” to know the Difference

I love routine. I always have and I always will. Routine gives me security. Routine makes me feel safe and helps me develop habits that keep me on track. Staying on task helps me accomplish what I set out to do.

Routines are delightful because you do them without thinking. They become automatic. I know that at a certain hour of the day, I will paint. I will write. I will carry out my dreams come “hell or high water!”

My husband knows never to interrupt me when I’m painting. He knows I never answer phone calls when my hands and elbows are dripping in acrylic paint. If friends call, they go into voice mail. The world literally goes on hold when I’m at canvas working with fast-drying acrylics.

If my husband chooses to converse with me, he may get a growl in return. If my agenda changes either by crook or necessity, I’m not a happy camper. I may even have a temper tantrum of disproportionate proportions. My day becomes lop-sided. The monster within comes out. I feel betrayed, cheated, and forlorn; oh, woe is me and a pox on everyone’s house.

If you’ve stayed with me to the end of this tirade, you now know the difference between routines and ruts. Routines are good “if” they help you stick to your goals and enable you to get your work done. Routines become “ruts” when they hold us prisoner and don’t allow us to be flexible. Without flexibility you can kiss creativity goodbye.

Ruts can entrap us, hold us, and make our lives miserable. The first time I went cross-country skiing it was late in the season. Hard, icy tracks were molded on the pathways.  As long as you stayed within their boundaries, it was smooth sailing. Get out of the grooves and you went sailing into the trees. That is exactly what I did when I came to my first turn. The ruts were so deep that you literally had to jump and twist to make the turn. Not something a novice like me could do.

(New work in Progress: "Reggae Night" first layer drawing w/edits)

Ruts stifle creativity. Spontaneity is also a critical component. Awareness and objectivity need to be in control 24/7. Creative thinkers must be good observers. They must be willing to adjust when opportunity knocks. Inspiration is a product not of time or mind, but of heart and soul. The door must always be open. The spirit must always be prepared to receive.

Go ahead and plan your schedules and routines. Set your goals and work toward them; but leave yourself an opening for the unexpected, the priceless moments with loved ones and family, and the sudden impulses that may flutter suddenly on your window sill or whisper in your ear in a moment of reverie.

"Tansy's Pride" 9 x 12 Pastel on Bristol

Here are a few tips:

·         Routines guide our way.

·         Ruts hold our feet to the fire.

·         Routines allow movement and growth.

·         Ruts exhaust us and make us feel like slaves.

·         Routines involve familiar tasks and a safe place to explore ideas.

·         Ruts become rigid trails that lead us nowhere.

·         Routines let us experiment without criticism.

·         Ruts are monotonous black holes that go nowhere.

·         Routines ground us while our mind soars.

·         Ruts create anxiety and worry.

Ever had a Broken Heart; is it Physical or Imaginary?

NEW PAINTING "Prayer Circles" acrylic 18x24 canvas

Down through the ages, writers and artists have tried to describe the pain one feels when a heart is broken by sadness, abuse, or neglect. A tale told in our community was “Cipher in the Snow.” A story about a young boy who had been kicked around from foster home to foster home, had trouble in school, and was labeled as a zero – a nothing by teachers and peers!

The child collapsed in the snow not having the strength to board a school bus. No causes could be found for his demise. The author of the story said the boy simply “died of a broken heart.” There are many people like that in our homes and communities. People who do not receive the love they so badly deserve and need. Our Nation, our world cries out for this kind of love, but it seems to be missing.

"India Rising--Prince of Thieves" mixed media on 16x20 canvas

Some people treat their dogs better than they do the people in their lives. Some people also mistreat their pets. The world is dying for lack of love. There is more selfishness and self-hatred than love; more violence and lashing out.

I saw a person I once loved for the first time after many, many years. Changes of age and personality made it almost impossible to recognize him. But when I saw his profile, I knew. This was the person I had loved, the person who could turn his back on me so easily; who ignored me and neglected even to kiss me goodnight or to say goodbye when he left in the morning; a non-communicative spouse who spoke only to criticize or berate.

When that moment of recognition came, I felt a stabbing pain in my upper heart followed by the swift squeezing of a fist in the lower chamber. What it was I did not know. A heart attack, I wondered? Immediately I felt like crying, and had to leave the people around me. All the pain and suffering of the years we had spent together and the trauma thereafter came back to me. Later I surmised that I had experienced a broken heart. I never realized it could be so physical, so painful!

"India Rising--the Found" mixed media on 18x24 canvas

I labeled my blog: “AnfinsenArt -- my Brush with God,” because God is love. I want my paintings and my artwork to reveal the love that God feels for all his people, even those who may not believe in Him or who act contrary to His will.

Some people may think I’m a kook! Well, let them. I prefer to see the good in all cultures, races, and people. I choose to elevate the people I paint and see them as God sees them. We are all imperfect. We all have faults. If we could unlock the good that is in most of us, we would find the secret to world peace and personal contentment.

"Fish Market" -- acrylic 18x24 canvas

Call me a cock-eyed optimist if you will; my paintings will continue to reflect this optimism, this love of God, this benevolent higher power that is full of compassion and grace. Would to God we had more of this love in our world!

Stan Prokopenko Part 2 of drawing the head